They say that in order to help someone else, you have to first be able to help yourself.
Knotty Theory that……
So of course I had to Go back and evaluate.
Have I become the best I can be? At least up until this point? I know that I will strive to improve until the day I die, but how have I done so far?
I guess a little introspection is a good thing from time to time. Looking back, I find much to be thankful for, many blessings that have come my way in the past year. And to be honest, these blessings were only possible because of the change in my mindset, and attitude. Amazing isn’t it, how the things we wanted all our lives cannot be ours until we change into someone who will be able to accept, care for, and value our dreams once they become reality!
Of all the things in Life that I really, really, wanted; the one thing I would have given everything else up for, was Love! Someone who really and truly loved me for Me, not what they could get from me!
I remember 1st Grade….Crayon valentines sent across the room to Debbie. Giggles at the water cooler. Playful slaps on the cheek from the Nancy who really liked me, but could have never told me so.
Anita who was so shy and quiet, but whose whole family loved me in their own quiet way.
Things progress, time passes, this rock speeds ever onward, exponentially accelerating it seems. Days and years begin to blur.
Some things stand out, but the day-to-day, where the little choices are made begins to lack significance. A certain quality is lost. What once had such clarity as a child, today is humdrum.
Oh Well!
And so… I begin to sink into the everday blandness that becomes adulthood:
Seventeen years of marrige to the wrong person.
Twenty-one years of a career that provides me with some of the rewards I need, but includes much I do not.
Everything is direction, and mine isn’t the one I want….
A phone call. My Mother, whom I love so much, is in the Hospital.
A few months later I am sitting under a canvas awning as they lower all that remains into the earth. My face is carved in stone, but I am quivering like the last leaf of the season, as I sit with my arms wrapped, one around my Father, one around my sister.
My mind screams in unbelief: “They’re putting my Mother in the DIRT!”
That was the day the Universe shifted on it’s axis for me. Nothing ever would be the same again.
More fun…. Grandpa followed Mother, Grandma followed Grandpa. My wife follows someone else into our bed while I am on a business trip.
My mental state follows the leftovers into the disposal, and on into the sewer.
Then in the middle of it all, someone says to me: “You don’t have to fear those things anymore, they will never happen again!”
No, those words didn’t change my life, but they deflected my thinking just a bit. Just enough that I could listen to my heart telling me that I could use this opportunity to start over and get it right this time! The thing that made the words significant was the speaker had already turned their own life around….
Phase II. I begin the long journey back into the daylight. Once there, I begin to ‘help myself’ to a few of the valuable resources this world has to offer! They are everywhere, but you can’t have them until you want them!
Hundreds of books, conversations, advice, self-analysis, and instances of good fortune later, I now have the Love of My Life, The Home and Family I couldn’t survive without, and a continued stream of blessings that you have to be open to in order to receive.
I have helped myself, now, how may I help you? D
Overcoming Depression 