Helping One Another Become the Best They Can Be….
They say that in order to help someone else, you have to first be able to help yourself.
Knotty Theory that……
So of course I had to Go back and evaluate.
Have I become the best I can be? At least up until this point? I know that I will strive to improve until the day I die, but how have I done so far?
I guess a little introspection is a good thing from time to time. Looking back, I find much to be thankful for, many blessings that have come my way in the past year. And to be honest, these blessings were only possible because of the change in my mindset, and attitude. Amazing isn’t it, how the things we wanted all our lives cannot be ours until we change into someone who will be able to accept, care for, and value our dreams once they become reality!
Of all the things in Life that I really, really, wanted; the one thing I would have given everything else up for, was Love! Someone who really and truly loved me for Me, not what they could get from me!
I remember 1st Grade….Crayon valentines sent across the room to Debbie. Giggles at the water cooler. Playful slaps on the cheek from the Nancy who really liked me, but could have never told me so.
Anita who was so shy and quiet, but whose whole family loved me in their own quiet way.
Things progress, time passes, this rock speeds ever onward, exponentially accelerating it seems. Days and years begin to blur.
Some things stand out, but the day-to-day, where the little choices are made begins to lack significance. A certain quality is lost. What once had such clarity as a child, today is humdrum.
Oh Well!
And so… I begin to sink into the everday blandness that becomes adulthood:
Seventeen years of marrige to the wrong person.
Twenty-one years of a career that provides me with some of the rewards I need, but includes much I do not.
Everything is direction, and mine isn’t the one I want….
A phone call. My Mother, whom I love so much, is in the Hospital.
A few months later I am sitting under a canvas awning as they lower all that remains into the earth. My face is carved in stone, but I am quivering like the last leaf of the season, as I sit with my arms wrapped, one around my Father, one around my sister.
My mind screams in unbelief: “They’re putting my Mother in the DIRT!”
That was the day the Universe shifted on it’s axis for me. Nothing ever would be the same again.
More fun…. Grandpa followed Mother, Grandma followed Grandpa. My wife follows someone else into our bed while I am on a business trip.
My mental state follows the leftovers into the disposal, and on into the sewer.
Then in the middle of it all, someone says to me: “You don’t have to fear those things anymore, they will never happen again!”
No, those words didn’t change my life, but they deflected my thinking just a bit. Just enough that I could listen to my heart telling me that I could use this opportunity to start over and get it right this time! The thing that made the words significant was the speaker had already turned their own life around….
Phase II. I begin the long journey back into the daylight. Once there, I begin to ‘help myself’ to a few of the valuable resources this world has to offer! They are everywhere, but you can’t have them until you want them!
Hundreds of books, conversations, advice, self-analysis, and instances of good fortune later, I now have the Love of My Life, The Home and Family I couldn’t survive without, and a continued stream of blessings that you have to be open to in order to receive.
I have helped myself, now, how may I help you? D
My Experience Overcoming Depression
Looking back now, It has been a wonderful life!
There was a time, not so long ago, when I couldn't have said that. Like most people, I wondered why life hadn't given me more, why I was stuck where I was, with a future that seemed bleak and hopeless.
Depression is the ‘Mind Killer’ as much as is Fear! Fear can be an integral part, or a result of, depression. It can also stand alone. But too often with depressive individuals such as I once was, fear walks hand-in-hand with it’s sibling, Depression.
To a depressive, everything we see in the external world, ie; ‘Reality’, reinforces our negative conclusions of how awful our lives are. Because everything is filtered through our negative perceptions. How we perceive, or view reality, determines our world.
For 37 years, I viewed the world through ‘dirt colored glasses’!
Because of the infallibility of the ‘Law of Attraction’, sure enough, my life deteriorated, year by year.
BREAKTHROUGH!
Eventually My life reached the point where nothing was working! Career, Finances, business and personal relationships were all in the toilet. Basically, I had a bad case of ‘Optorectitus’! (where your optical nerve gets crossed with your rectal nerve and gives you a very, shall we say…, ‘brown’ outlook on life!)
What really tipped it over the edge, was a 2 year period in which my Mother, Grandfather, and Grandmother died — My wife began left me for someone else, my Father had a stroke and sold the Home-place I was supposed to inherit. Add to that bankruptcy, and a ‘one-night-stand’ that came up pregnant. (yes, 21 years of child support payments on a child I never see.)
Eventually I became desperate and turned to anti-depressants and therapy. The Therapist diagnosed me as having: Depression! (go figure!)
- long term
- chronic
- severe
- recurring
His recommendation was:
- 2-4 years of medication
- 4 years of weekly therapy sessions. ($80.00/session)
I thought seriously about it all through the first 30 days of medication, before I finally had: Breakthrough #1
I began to realize several things:
- I Hated the way I felt when I was on the medication.
- I could not afford the medication and the therapy.
- If it was MY mind, then it was up to ME to control it!
- There had to be resources outside of traditional therapy and medication that would help me reach a healthy mindset.
So began my search for a solution that would empower me.
Needless to say, it was a long journey, with many dead-ends I won’t bore you with. However, I was Blessed with good friends, and even good friends in the Medical Profession who had an in-depth knowledge of my condition. I was also fortunate to have friends who were inspiring, and/or motivating, and always had an uplifting effect on my spirits.
THIS IS VITAL:
You MUST have a network of *helpful friends who can empower you, if you are to succeed in breaking ‘The Mind Trap’ that is Depression!
These Friends can be Online, or Off line, but they MUST be:
- Positive
- Helpful
- Experienced at living well
- Concerned
- Successful at motivating others
- True Friends*, people who care about your well-being and want to see you succeed.
Breakthrough #2:
I began to understand that were two aspects to Depression.
- Cognitition (what you do with your Mind)
- Physiology (what you do with your body)
Physiology: what you do with your body
In western culture, we tend to look at Mind as being separate from Body. However, Eastern culture has known for a long time that the two are complementary halves of an indivisible whole. The principle of yin/yang is relevant here. Mind + Body = you. “You” is more than just your mind, and more than just your body. Hence there are two avenues through which the mental state can be determined.Remember when everyone would say: “Just think positive”? But my question was always: “how can I think positive when I am depressed?
Well, I discovered the answer. “Just think positive” was not the answer! In ‘depression mode’ you can’t think positive. If you could, you wouldn’t be depressed! The answer is simple: to change your thinking, change what you are doing with your body.
Excersise has long been known to be helpful in improving our depression. Excersise releases endorphins. Endorphins, a neurotransmitter produced in the brain reduces pain and improves your overall mental condition.
Have you ever noticed how your body mirrors your mood?
Depressed:
- shoulders slumped
- head down
- breathing shallow
- 1000 yard stare
- uncommunicative
Happy:
- head back
- shoulders back
- breathing normal
- alert, interested in your surroundings
- laughing, joking, talking
If you want to try a little exercise to prove this, the next time you are depressed, or even just tired, sit upright in a chair with your shoulders back, breathe deeply 10 times. Then tip your head straight back until your face is pointed directly at the ceiling. Completely relax your shoulders as much as you can without letting them slump, and put the biggest, silliest, goofiest grin on your face you can possibly imagine.
Now, be depressed! Go ahead, I dare you!
What? You can’t do it and be depressed? My point exactly. You absolutely CAN change your mood by what you are doing with your body! This is even a good exercise to apply when you are tired.
How else can your body affect your mood?
There are several things we do that can negatively impact our state of mind.
- smoking
- drinking
- drug usage
- lack of sleep
- lack of exercise
- certain foods (excess carbs and sugars affect some people)
- unhealthy dieting and/or eating habits
- not drinking enough water
- lack of certain trace minerals and/or vitamins
There are more, but these are some of the basics. Take a long hard look at all the things you do physically, and analyze each one for it’s effect on your mind and body.
Of course, to positively impact your mental state, just reverse the list. Limit or end:
- smoking
- drinking
- drug usage
Begin to:
- sleep your recommended 6-8 hours (more if you are under 21)
- brisk exercise at least 1 hour per day(releases endorphins which positively affect your mood)
- implement a healthy diet
- drink 4-6 glasses of water per day
- take the time to visit your local health food store and learn about herbs and supplements which have a positive effect.
These are some basic things you can do to effect your depression through your physiology.
Is this enough? Maybe not. In my case, I didn’t want to just misdirect my erroneous thought patterns, but I wanted to ‘rewrite the code’ that had led to my depression in the first place.
Breakthrough #3
Cognition: what you do with your mind.
Back in the early days of computer programming, there was an acronym which is extremely relevant to the subject of depression. Programmers used to say when referring to an incorrect data output: “GIGO” or, Garbage In, Garbage Out. That saying may have went the way of punch-card data processing, but it is still applicable to our mind.
If you put ‘Garbage’ into your mind, you will get ‘Garbage’ out, in terms of your mental state.
I have a dear friend who is the most positive person I know. He is in his early 80’s, and has open heart surgery, yet he never complains or appears depressed. He once told me a secret I never learned to apply, until I was in the process of overcoming my depression. He said, “Every morning I have to get up and get my mood straight.” “No one is going to do it for me, no one can do it for me, and to continue to be successful in my business, I have no other choice.”
This was his method of putting Quality into his mental state, instead of ‘Garbage’. (he finally ‘retired’ from the health care field this year at a young 82 years of age, and is pursuing a career in network marketing!)
So how do you define ‘Garbage’? My definition has always been; anything that doesn’t have a positive effect on my state of mind, is ‘Garbage’. It may not be bad in and of itself, but if it has an adverse effect on me, it’s ‘Garbage’ .
Here are a few of the things I pursued that had a positive outcome:
- Relaxation, New Age, Zen, and Yoga music.
- Classical Music (second choice)
- Self Improvement Literature
- Meditation
- Prayer
- Classical Martial Arts (I have both a black, and a red sash in Shaolin Lohan Chuan Kung Fu)
- Ballroom Dancing
- Eastern Philosophy (Tao Te Ching, The Art of War, and various books on Bhuddist Philosophy (not to be confused with Bhuddist religion) The Way of Awakening, Zen, etc)
Results?
Consider this: before I began to turn things around, and put the ‘Law of Attraction’ to work for me, I was homeless. What few possessions I had left were stored with family and friends. I wasn’t living on the streets, I was living at my job. I had a 1976 Jeep pickup for transportation, which ran whenever it wanted to.
Then one day I began to realize, after a lot of prayer and meditation, that I was grateful for the tiny bit I did have. The more I thought about it, the more grateful I was.
Soon, I began to realize I had enough to share a little with those less fortunate, and as bad as it was, there were those less fortunate. I gave some clothes I no longer needed to a man living on the street. (He in turn, shared them with some of his friends on the street!) I began to give a few dollars in handouts. I wasn’t on the street yet, but I realized I wasn’t far from it!
On the job, I went everywhere with my CD player pumping out positive music. I read, meditated, and prayed constantly.
Things gradually began to improve. And improve. And Improve. Funny thing, it seems to take on a life of it’s own after a while.
Oh there were setbacks, but I never gave up. I still haven’t. Even though I have been relatively free from depression for over a year now, I still haven’t gone as far as I would like to go.
Today, I live in a $250,000 home with Karen, the love of my life–the girl I should have attracted to myself 35 years ago, we have 40 acres in the country, a rental house, pickup truck, BMW 325 is hobby/project car, and a wonderful family. (just a few of the blessings, the rest would take too long to list)
I have 2 offline jobs, and am working like crazy online. I have never been happier!!
Conclusion: (whew)
This is my experience with depression. I hope reading it helps you, if you are experiencing ‘the big D’, or if you know someone who is.
If you liked this article, and you must have if you are reading this, please be sure to bookmark it with the social bookmarking service of your choice.
Sincerely, David C Schupbach.
